hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
