There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
