By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
