She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
