Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
