I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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