You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
