I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
