Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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