I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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