It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
