actually, I'm a sock model
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
