Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pants are for mortals
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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