I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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