Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
