cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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