My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We are two peas in an std pod
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
