i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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