I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
