What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
