yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
