dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
