The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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