Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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