He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
