Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
