Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
