I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
