I heard we made out
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
