I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
