but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
