when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
