On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
