Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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