I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
