im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
