remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
