I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
