yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
