TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize