Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
