im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
