It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize