i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
