Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
