I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
