Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
