Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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