Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
