You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I looked at my own cervix.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
