Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
