the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
