It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
