Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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