is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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