made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
