are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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