it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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