i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
