So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I met the friendliest cop last night
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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