I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
