Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
