I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
