i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
